Writing Critique

• The title of the essay could have been more creative and inviting. Perhaps something to get the readers attention.
• The first sentence of the essay could have stared out by telling us, the readers, what the "experience" is, I feel like the reader is left guessing about what her experience is
• The first paragraph could be moved and/or used to strengthen the last paragraph.
• The second paragraph has the potential to be the introductory paragraph, since it introduces the reader to what her experience is that she will be talking about the rest of the story 
• I like that the writer did a good job at going into detail when describing her trip on the subway and talking about the people, the atmosphere and what she was feeling during her trip.
• She does a great job at expressing, in her writing, how she is feeling at different times throughout the story
• "As almost ninth graders often do, I thought I was independent and knew everything." there is a grammatical error here, causing this to be a run-on sentience 
• Starting a sentence, especially starting a paragraph, with "And" is a poor way to introduce a new idea or detail into the story
• The concluding paragraph did a good job of wrapping up the story, as well as leaving the reader with something to think about